By Rev. Margie Kivel
When Dan passed on Jan. 21, 2009 I was in a state of shock. Then my friend Darlene reminded me of the readings Dan and I had before we got married. When Dan left the room after his reading, the medium told me that she picked up a massive stroke with him which would take him into spirit within 3 years. She did not tell him, nor did I. But how could I not marry this man who loved me as much as I loved him, who made me aware of how empty my life had been? Dan made me laugh when I had almost forgotten how. Oh how I loved those edge of the universe conversations. We would laugh and laugh, then Dan would say, “Who can we tell about this?” “No one,” I would say. My husband brought to the table of our marriage a banquet that touched so many parts of my own spiritual quest. How could I walk away from this, no matter how short the time? Months after we married we were both at a Fred Payne Phoenix Vibrational Healing seminar, and I told Amy, Fred’s associate, about the reading. After a moment she said “that agreement has been cancelled, do not worry.” Well, from the time of the reading we had almost 5 years together. In retrospect I believe that Dan’s contract, his agreement, had been amended to give us a little more time.
During the last 6 months of our marriage Dan put up a wall and separated from me emotionally. After his death he said that he wanted to spare me the pain, but apparently that wasn’t part of my agreement because I wasn’t spared – it came over me like a steam roller. I discovered that I was dealing with not only grief, but abandonment and betrayal. It was quite a journey, but even in Dan’s death there was a lesson. He was human, doing the best he could at the time. I found some journals he had kept in the late 70’s and early 80’s and started reading them. What I discovered opened my heart and mind to soul growth on a higher level. Dan’s life was not working for him and had not worked even when he was younger. Talk about challenge – he placed himself in circumstances that would give no support to his growth as an individual, yet demand his constant presence in the life game – no escape. Thus began his spiritual search. My own life pattern was so similar that what I read resonated within my own experiences – the illusion of isolation magnified!
While reading his journals I could hear his thought patterns as he worked his way through each self discovery that he made. I am not sure of the time span, but I know that when he was studying for a degree in social work at Wayne State, he had a psychology class that included the teachings of Gurdjieff. It is the work of that class plus the revelations that he came across as he “cooked” the lessons, which were contained in the pages of his journal.
All of my judgments and condemnations dissolved in the full presence of this man, Daniel M Kivel, who graced my life. I realized the lessons for both of us in that relationship and was filled with gratitude instead of loss, compassion instead of condemnation, and love instead of rage. And Brian was in both of our lives to teach us, in the midst of his obsessions and constrictions as well as our own, to lighten up – laugh! It was with humor that I was able to breech the wall of Brian’s autism. Anger gets you nowhere, delicious laughter transcends.
Yes, Dan was a man of contradictions living the life of polarity, while on the soul level knowing that separation is an illusion – there is only God, and God is love. But the intensity of his quest burned through the mist and in that process he touched so many different people from all walks of life. Despite all of the trials and tribulations of his life he still cared about people, still took time to listen and heal. He had a mission and he persevered where many would have given up. As it is with most people, our passions can also be our obstacles as we try to juggle our way through life’s circuitous pathways, and Dan was one of the best jugglers I knew – he tossed from a mixed bowl and created some amazing designs. Our time together was short by some standards, but we packed into those days and months a lot of experience working with spirit, and it is that sharing and expressing that I will miss most of all. Our guides talked to each other as they worked through us – that was a real spiritual high!
People slide through our lives like passing dreams, but some take hold and root in our hearts. It is the Don Quixote’s of life who reminds us of our humanity, and the Mother Theresa’s who reflect our divinity. In the course of our lives most of us fall somewhere between the two. But within each of us is that unlimited potential to push the boundaries of our expectations and bloom - we are the gift at the table. Each meeting is an opportunity to share the grace of God – don’t let it slip by.
Rev. Margie Kivel
21 January 2010
During the last 6 months of our marriage Dan put up a wall and separated from me emotionally. After his death he said that he wanted to spare me the pain, but apparently that wasn’t part of my agreement because I wasn’t spared – it came over me like a steam roller. I discovered that I was dealing with not only grief, but abandonment and betrayal. It was quite a journey, but even in Dan’s death there was a lesson. He was human, doing the best he could at the time. I found some journals he had kept in the late 70’s and early 80’s and started reading them. What I discovered opened my heart and mind to soul growth on a higher level. Dan’s life was not working for him and had not worked even when he was younger. Talk about challenge – he placed himself in circumstances that would give no support to his growth as an individual, yet demand his constant presence in the life game – no escape. Thus began his spiritual search. My own life pattern was so similar that what I read resonated within my own experiences – the illusion of isolation magnified!
While reading his journals I could hear his thought patterns as he worked his way through each self discovery that he made. I am not sure of the time span, but I know that when he was studying for a degree in social work at Wayne State, he had a psychology class that included the teachings of Gurdjieff. It is the work of that class plus the revelations that he came across as he “cooked” the lessons, which were contained in the pages of his journal.
All of my judgments and condemnations dissolved in the full presence of this man, Daniel M Kivel, who graced my life. I realized the lessons for both of us in that relationship and was filled with gratitude instead of loss, compassion instead of condemnation, and love instead of rage. And Brian was in both of our lives to teach us, in the midst of his obsessions and constrictions as well as our own, to lighten up – laugh! It was with humor that I was able to breech the wall of Brian’s autism. Anger gets you nowhere, delicious laughter transcends.
Yes, Dan was a man of contradictions living the life of polarity, while on the soul level knowing that separation is an illusion – there is only God, and God is love. But the intensity of his quest burned through the mist and in that process he touched so many different people from all walks of life. Despite all of the trials and tribulations of his life he still cared about people, still took time to listen and heal. He had a mission and he persevered where many would have given up. As it is with most people, our passions can also be our obstacles as we try to juggle our way through life’s circuitous pathways, and Dan was one of the best jugglers I knew – he tossed from a mixed bowl and created some amazing designs. Our time together was short by some standards, but we packed into those days and months a lot of experience working with spirit, and it is that sharing and expressing that I will miss most of all. Our guides talked to each other as they worked through us – that was a real spiritual high!
People slide through our lives like passing dreams, but some take hold and root in our hearts. It is the Don Quixote’s of life who reminds us of our humanity, and the Mother Theresa’s who reflect our divinity. In the course of our lives most of us fall somewhere between the two. But within each of us is that unlimited potential to push the boundaries of our expectations and bloom - we are the gift at the table. Each meeting is an opportunity to share the grace of God – don’t let it slip by.
Rev. Margie Kivel
21 January 2010
